Closing doors

I knew my heart would hurt when we had our last child. I knew it would be a hard decision, and I knew that I wouldn't really want to be the one to make it. I have always loved children, I couldn't wait to be a mother and the Lord has blessed me so much with 4 amazing children. I'm trying to learn that just because some choices hurt it doesn't always mean they are wrong, they are just hard.
I don't like closing doors, I like to keep them open just a crack, even if I never expect to go back through them, I think it's the part of me that is spontaneous and adventurous.
I have wondered though, does leaving things open even just a crack make it too difficult to move forward? Does it encourage you to take a peek inside, because it's slightly open?
Yet, if it's shut does that help? Do you eventually just walk by without even thinking about trying the handle? I don't really know, I just know that Kale is getting too big. He cuddles, nuzzles, and even begs me to take naps with him still, but I can see that this time is fading fast. I realize there are years ahead filled with great things, it's just always hard to move forward when the past has been so great. I am so blessed. Thank you Lord, for the children I have, and the countless others that I am surrounded by that touch and teach me.